


Familiarity

by syri_chii



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syri_chii/pseuds/syri_chii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Aiba discovers, accepts, and moves on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Familiarity

**Author's Note:**

> written for rainbowfilling@lj . Prompt is 'Paradox' I'm not sure if I manage to use the prompt well but this is my interpretation of it.

_I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.  
-Mother Teresa_

 

_“We all know who you love and even if we team up, there’s no way we can compete.”_

_Then all of a sudden, gears in Aiba’s head click. He slowly turns to look at Ohno._

_Is this…?_

_Ohno senses the other man’s look at him._

_“Aiba-chan?”_

_“Uh… it’s nothing,” Aiba laughs sheepishly and then stands up. “I’ll buy some coffee. Do you want one?”_

_“Yes please.”_

_As soon he steps out the room, Aiba holds to his chest. Somehow, his heart starts to beat wildly._

_“We all know who you love and even if we team up, there’s no way we can compete.” Nino’s words keep repeating on his mind._

 

Sometimes Aiba wonder if thinking has become his pastime now. Lately he finds himself with thoughts, pondering ideas. It will be nice if these thoughts are related to work. But no, which makes his head (and heart) hurt a little more.

 

He tries to drown out the very idea he recently discovered all thanks to Nino and Jun. But once you notice something, you cannot just go pretend it isn’t there anymore. And that’s how it remains stuck in his mind.

 

Maybe because he feels he won’t be able to surpass that person (And he knows he shouldn’t compare because it’s wrong but it’s hard not to). So he settles or rather chooses the more realistic choice and that is to stay behind that line.

But there are moments when Aiba finds himself asking, ‘why not me?’(A plenty of times actually especially when Ohno and that person talk with each other in his presence) But he knows Ohno won’t see him the same way he does.

 

Aiba distances himself to Ohno who appears to be oblivious about it. And even though it is his idea in the first place, it can’t be helped tinge of pain that Aiba feels.

 

He still interacts normally with the older man during the shows, interviews and concerts. However he’s being careful or rather cautious when he’s around him.

 

But how can you move on from someone when you never had anything to do with him in the first place? It’s like forget something you don’t remember.

 

There’s just no way of escaping or running away as it seems the only way is facing forward.

 

_Just let it be. Maybe, eventually I’ll get tired over it. All I can possible do is to hang on just a bit more._

 

That is Aiba’s mantra ever since.

 

_Just hang in there._

*

“Masaki,”

Aiba startles when a hand touches him on the back. He turns around and meets Ohno’s gaze.

“Leader, you surprised me.”

Ohno looks at him strangely since he seldom catches Aiba off-guard. “Are you feeling okay?”

Aiba tries to smile, “I am. I was just shocked.”

And Ohno leans closer, stepping inside Aiba’s comfort zone but Aiba pulls away and stands up quickly, “I just remembered something,” he tells and walks out the room, leaving the older man wondering and confused.

*

_Why does it have to get this hard? Does it have to be difficult to get over this?_

“You’re not destroying my controller.”

Aiba comes back from the present and sees Nino glaring at him.

“Sorry. I feel frustrated for not be able to get over this stage.”

“I can sense that but that doesn’t give you the right to smash angrily at my controller.”

Aiba puts down the controller.

“What if I never get over?”

“You will because you need to.” Aiba stares at Nino and wonders if he knows something. “Or else you won’t be able to go the next level.”

“What is the next level?”

Nino takes off his eyes from the screen to meet Aiba’s eyes.

“You have to find it out yourself. I’m not going to spoil it to you.”

Aiba scowls at Nino then grabs the controller once again.

Right. I should be the one to do it. I cannot go rely for others to solve my own problem.

 

*

 

Aiba has been lying to himself. Yes, he finally realizes it. He thought that if he did not admit out loud, it wouldn’t become real. But the truth is, he would always wonder, ‘what if?’ And it’s what hurt the most.

_I’ve been asking a question which I know I’m afraid to know the answer. If only I have the courage…_

 

Ohno finds Aiba alone in the green room. The other three have probably left to go to their work. He sits beside the other.

“What’s wrong?”

Aiba looks up to face Ohno. This is it. He’s at his limit now. He imagines himself telling everything, coming out to Ohno but at the last moment holds back. Because he just can’t, afraid to that in the process he’ll lose the other.

“I just feel like we’re growing apart,” is what he tells instead. It’s not entirely a lie but not the whole truth either. It’s the closest thing he can think of.

 

“You won’t lose me,” Ohno says in a beat, reaching Aiba’s hand. Aiba wants to believe it so much.

 

“Thank you Leader,” Aiba answers, his head lowered as he tries not to meet Ohno’s gaze because who knows what Ohno will see in his eyes.

 

“Masaki,”

 

Ohno, for first time in Aiba’s memory, embraces him.

 

“I don’t know if there are any comforting words to say and if there are, I don’t know if I can say it properly. All I want you to say is I’m here for you.” Ohno whispers to Aiba’s ear. Instead of answering, Aiba buries his face on Ohno’s neck.

 

 _I’m sorry I cannot tell you that I really like you so much that it hurt_ s, Aiba thinks as Ohno’s hand gently runs on his back.

 

*

Of course I can’t lose someone I never had in the first place.

You were never mine from the start.

 

*

Nino is heading to his bed when he hears the doorbell rings. He glances at the wall clock, almost three in the morning.

“Aiba-chan,” Nino’s a little surprised seeing him standing before him. Taking a closer look, he notices Aiba’s eyes are puffy and bloodshot.

 

“Nino---“ Aiba doesn’t manage to finish his sentence as Nino pulls him in for a hug. Everything that Aiba’s holding back earlier finally crashes down on him. Nino just holds him until Aiba stops from sobbing. Because really, there are no comforting words to say at times like this.

 

“Sorry for crashing in,” Aiba says in broken voice later after he calms down, his hands holding to a glass of water.

 

“It’s fine. You know I don’t mind.”

 

“Nino, I…”

 

“Go to sleep. You need some rest. I’ll be here the whole day since I don’t have anything tomorrow.” He says as he hands the blanket and a pillow. Aiba doesn’t argue back.

 

Nino has already in front of his room when he stops and turns around to see already sleeping Aiba on his couch. He tries to reach for Aiba’s face but stops himself.

_I’m sorry I can’t do anything to help you because..._

 

*

It takes really some time (one year, six months and three weeks) for Aiba to accept and to move on. (Because seriously it’s really hard for him to do especially he gets to see Ohno almost every day)

_I have loved you. If anyone will ask me then, I did. And if they ask me now, I still do. It never goes away, to be honest._

Aiba takes a glimpse at Ohno sleeping peacefully on the couch across the room. They are taking a break from concert rehearsals while Nino’s song plays softly in the air.

_I will probably do. And I will never understand why. I just do. I guess hurt and love will always go hand in hand._

Ohno’s eyelids flutter and slowly his eyes open up. He rubs away the tiredness from his eyes and when he finally does, he notices Aiba looking at his direction.

“Good afternoon Leader. Had a good nap?”

Ohno nods like a child and Aiba smiles that smile Ohno missed and hasn’t seen for a while. He walks over to Aiba and sits beside the latter.

Later that day when Nino comes to find them, he discovers the two sleeping comfortably side by side.

 

*

Eventually, you'd get used to it. As time passes by, you'll discover that it isn't the same way before. It's still there (of course, it doesn't go away easily) though the level isn't similar as before.

Probably it's because as time goes by, so it is. Either it gets buried along with the others or grows deeper one way or another.

Yet one thing for certain, it never disappears.

 

*

 

Aiba arrives in the green room early and finds Ohno sitting on the couch checking something on his cellphone.

“Good morning Aiba-chan,” he greets wearing his simple yet gentle smile that makes Aiba’s inside melt at his sight.

“Good morning Captain,” Aiba chirps and sets down his bag on the table and sits next to Ohno. “What are you doing?”

“I’m checking the weather.”

“For fishing expedition?”

Ohno laughs which to Aiba it sounds like sweet melody playing in his ears. “Not exactly expedition.”

“Oh?”

Ohno laughs some more and Aiba thinks he wouldn’t get tired hearing it.

“You’re being you again, that’s good.” Ohno meant to tell it to himself however ends up saying out loud thus making Aiba looks at him.

“Don’t mind me. It’s nothing,”

They fall into a simple conversation until the others come in. By that time, Aiba’s attention shifts to Sho and Jun talking about their upcoming concert that he doesn’t notice Ohno’s wistful look on him. Only Nino does at the corner of his eyes.


End file.
